Opening Package

So, I know I seem to talk a lot about my penpal but I just can't help but share all the crazy fun moments we have behind our webcams. I did mention earlier that his laptop got soaked in his laptop bag walking through the rain, which takes months to fix. Of course I got rather depressed at the fact of getting so used to and attached to talking to him everyday, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to talk to him for months literally broke my heart. E-mail is always an option, but it's definitely not the same. I was in shock when I got an e-mail saying he's on skype! I automatically went on and we finally got to talk after days, it took me a few minutes to actually believe we were talking because all I had thought was not being able to talk to him for a long time. Apparently he had bought a tablet, just to skype with me!! I mean who does that!? English guys I suppose. That was only half the best part though, the other half is that he had finally got my package and waited until we chatted so that he can open it with me. He had sent mine on the 16th, it took mine 8 days to arrive to his place so I should receive his just before my birthday. He loved every bit of my package which I was so happy about because I didn't think the gifts I included were all that amazing. Of course I can't afford a ferrari or stick it in an envelope so anything below that works just as fine. We than talked about our rather boring days, and ate candy together.
I'm just, so happy talking to him.

Driving to & from play practice

Driving to practice

Driving from practice

Birthdays & Valentines

So, to those who actually read my blog, thank you so much. Just wanted to do a little update (which might end up being longer than I intended it to be). On Thursday I went to the first Easter musical play practice which was really fun! It's just rather unfortunate because we have no guys, & our only guy that was there left because of how silly he thought the dance routines were. We learned our first dance that this girl (our dance instructor) came up all on her own. She reminds me a lot of my sister, the way she looks and how my sister used to force me to learn dance routines when we were young. After doing electro dancing for so long, it felt weird doing a different style of dance. It's tougher for sure because there are a lot of body movements which I don't do much in electro dancing. We did some streches before practice that were making my legs burn! I never do stretches before I jog, I usually just go. That's why my legs are stiff and easily cramp up though which I know is bad, don't have to remind me. Either way I had a good time, though my legs are still healing from soreness.
I had also sent my package to my penpal and I'm so eager for him to get it! It mostly consists of candy which I hope he likes, a pencil, a letter, and a Valentines card sealed with a kiss. I can't wait to recieve his letter as well.
On Friday I went to a birthday party which I havn't gone to one in a while. It was for my best friends who are twins, so it was like double the action. It's always so nice being huddled in a home with lots of friends, convos, laughs, food, cake, and stomach aches :) Can you guess what I did the next day? Why yes, another birthday party. This was for another friend but had the same group of girls (and more) at this one, it was a blast as well. We decorated valentine bags to put everyones valentine cards in, of course my bag ended up being the prettiest due to the gift of creativity God had bestowed on me (sarcasm). We went out to the park on such a sunny Wintery day to take lots of pictures and simply being wild together as always.
Tuesday I received a message from my penpal which I was eagerly waiting for him on skype for days, I was surprisingly starting to get worried. Apparently his laptop got soaked in his laptop bag from walking in the rain, and repairing it takes forever, so I have to just be patient until I get to talk to him again. It honestly made me sad, my days go much gloomier by the hour when I don't get to listen to his English accent & see him smile for at least 5 seconds. My package should arrive at his place any day now (it's be 7 days to this date), I'm excited to know his reaction.

Monday morning I noticed there were no cars at the college parking lot. I was never told that there was no school, but I looked online to see what had happened. Apparently there was a bomb threat so they didn't open till later, it was rather funny. There was no real bomb but my best guess is that the person faked there was one because they weren't prepared to take their midterm so they wanted their class canceled. Typical Americans. 

Valentines morning I did nothing but chill with a few friends. I was starting to get a bit sad that all these girls were getting roses and I didn't get a single rose, but I know that roses aren't everything. Everyday is Valentines day for me. I was asked by some guys to go on a Valentines date but I denied them because I already had a Valentine in my heart whom I would never, not for a split second, replace with someone else. That night, my mums church youth group went to The Couve to another churches youth service. Of course I like to go on these trips with them and this one was a blast. The service was tiring as always, but we had pizza and socialized after. I haven't laughed so hard in months, because we kept joking about the other kids at their church. If you were Slavic and lived in my area, you would understand every little joke we make. The Russians in my city are very Americanized, but the ones in the Portland/Vancouver area act as if they came from Russia just days ago when in reality they were either born here or moved here when they were babies. The way they act and dress is a complete joke, and something we love to make fun of. We take many trips as a group to different churches, many that we have awful memories of, and a very few that we enjoyed. I would say this one was a 7/10, only because we laughed so much it was ridiculous. There was a group of guys huddled in a circle, and I jumped right in between and told them that next time they should stop being so segregated and greet their guests (which was us). One of them said they actually like and appreciate when girls jump in first :3 I learned something new! But I left quickly cause I was starting to get too much attention :S 

I bought two 24 pack boxes (which equals to 48) of discounted Valentine Fun-Dip candy pouches. I hope I don't die after I eat them all overtime, might have pixie-stick powder replace the blood in my veins by then. 

Toronto?

So, a week without my parents was a blessing. I wish they were gone for another week, but unfortunately everything has to come to an end. I left a bit early before their flight arrived so that I could enjoy some time at the airport. My heart always races in excitment when I see those beautiful beasts called airplanes. My dad had called and said their flight had landed much earlier than expected, so I unfortunately didn't get a chance to roam around the place :( I'll take a trip there one day though. My parents reeked like the Carribean though. One thing I wasn't looking forward to is them seeing my repainted room. Every guest I had over for the past week really like it. But the look on my mums face was expressionless, she was disgusted by the colour. My dad thinks it's too dark of a brown but doesn't seem to mind as much as my mum. She got really upset and yelled at me for being so impatient. Waiting for 8 years to repaint my room from the ugly light blue, of course I'm getting impatient! I knew she'd want to do a pastel colour which is gross, & it's my room so I get to choose.
I really felt like crying, first day the parentals come back & I'm already getting yelled at. We don't have a good bond at all, the only thing they're good at is yelling and blaming me for anything. I hope they'll respect me a bit more when I move out unmarried & not be asking them for money unlike my sibiling, even when shes married! I don't want to keep in touch with my parents when I move on too. No more yelling, nothing.
Moving on before I flip this tabel, last week when I went to Bible Study, the pastor wanted to talk to me. I was honest with him when he asked how I've been, I told him I was doing no good. My addiction had taken over my soul even more, near the point of no return to Jesus. I ended up talking to a girl who specializes in people who had such problem as mine. It made me sick at far I've gone from my faith in God. The pastor gave me a book that would help me a lot in overcoming my issue. I was hooked after reading the first chapter, it's truely mind boggling. It talked about why God doesn't automatically answer to peoples problems. One part was sad cause there was one unchristian girl with a guy who tempted in having sex when she's never had before. She went to the bathroom & quickly prayed to God to stop him from making her sleep with him. If He answered she would believe, but He didn't answer. She ended up sleeping with the fellow and pretty much refuses there's God. This made me upset because you can't blame God for all your problems, she should have been smarter than that. She should have stood up for herself than counted on God to magically make the guy not sleep with her. She's an idiot, and she won't be saved cause of her inability to accept Jesus as her saviour. I tell guys I will not go 'all the way' with them because I know how much it would upset me, my future husband, & my creator. I mean the things I've done are bad as it is but not something that'd scar me for life. I have been feeling better though, not doing the things I used to do. My next step is to just get back on the right path.
When I get a job, I want to save money for another solo trip somewhere. I was originally thinking Seattle but I honestly always go there. I mean me an my homegirl Seattle be real tight, but I have the need to visit other places as well. So my next destination was San Fransisco, to go visit my dads cousin. I don't like him much, but I know he'd take me flying around San Fran and just take me places.
As time went by though, I remembered that I have family in Toronto whom I've never met. I've met all my mums sibilings, even in Ukraine, but barely any of my dads. I've done a lot of research in my Tourism+Travel on Toronto so I'm very familiar with a lot of their places, I just have yet to see em. As I was driving my parents home, I brought it up to my dad and he highly suggests I go! He said they don't drive so I'll have to rent a car if I wanted to. Apparantly they're that populated where there's a lot of public transportation they use instead. There is my aunt (dads sister) Natasha, her husband Arkadi (such a kickass name!?), & their 23 year old daughter Galya. Their daughter moved out but I was told their house is rather small, but there's still room to sleep. My penpal from England wants to meet up there too which would be so awesome, words could not describe. My dad suggested I drive to Niagra Falls too, which I'm not crazy about seeing but if it'll only be an hour away, I don't see why not.
I'll probably feel awkward being with family I've never spoken to before though. I hope their somewhat cool and nice. I'll only be there in the morning & night though cause I want to do a lot of site seeing and sit at cafes. I'm really looking forward to it though, Toronto has been on my list of places to visit for so long including many others.
My parents bought me a real pearl necklace with gold, which I personally didn't like. It's not because I'm picky, it's just something I wouldn't wear. They might just give it to my sister. They also got me a Mystic Topaz ring, earing, & necklace charm. That's something I'd wear more often. I did some research on Mystic Topazes cause I was curious to know how it got it's natural rainbow effect. It also had some other neat info which resembels myself like:
"Topaz is known as the stone of Jupiter. It represents rule over one's own life, self-realization and wisdom.
Topaz gently opens the throat and third eye chakras, making communication easier and more effective."
Well I don't believe I completely rule over my life, I know What is Mine is Gods.And that second half made me giggle cause that's what I learned about in Yoga. It's really neat.
On with my scrambled life.

Cold Snap

So,apparently Europe is really struggling with cold weather right now,more on the Eastern side of my parents' homeland of Ukraine. I saw this picture of a girl walking through Kiev, I think it's stunning!

Downtown Sunday/Penpal

So,after Sunday service at my Portland church (which was awesome) I went to the meeting about the Easter musical we'll be doing. It will consist of a lot of driving there but I think I'll try my best to make it everytime. I wasn't sure if I wanted to drive to downtown Portland because it was pouring rain outside & I know how much my flimsy car can't handle driving in heavy rain. I decided to go just cause I wouldn't be able to again soon. It was one scary ride but thankfully I survived! I went to the only Starbucks I go there which is the one at Pioneer Square. I like sitting inside and watch people walking through the busy streets, both normal and really weird people. Portland is known to have a lot of weird people, which I think belong to the Oregon Mental Hospital but whatever. A mate from our electro dance team saw that I was in Portland and had invited me over to his university where they were going to simply practice dancing electro. I rarely get to see people electro dance in person so of course I just had to go. Plus there's a dancer I met years ago online who moved to Portland not long ago so I definitely had to meet him as well. The dance studio was on the upper levels of the university, which I've never been in to and the views were so nice. I didn't dance much considering my abilities of doing so had faded but it was such a blessing to see how well they dance. I remember how much they used to suck like me years ago but they have improved so much it makes me smile. After that was over I went to the parking garage I was parked at. I drove down to the ticket booth where you have to pay for your stay at the parking garage. There was a fellow waiting in front of the gate, & he turned his car off. I was confused and walked up to him, apparantly the ticket attendant left a note that he was at the bathroom so the fellow was just waiting. I went back in my car and waited too. Minutes and minutes went by and there was still no sign of the ticket attendant. You can't leave without him because there is no one else who can open the gate. The man in front of me began to honk. I was confused as to who he was honking to but I started to notice he became outraged. He honked more and started cussing hardcore out the window. I was so frightened, I was scared he was gonna get out of his car and start smashing the booth or possibly drive through the gate. Cars started pilling behind me, I got out to tell them the attendant was at the bathroom. Some random citizen came to the gate cause he noticed the guy in front was going mad, so he lifted the gate for him. He lifted it for me too so thankfully I got to leave finally. After I drove off though, cops began to show up. I got out of there as fast as I could! The drive home was probably the scariest I've ever had too. It was dark, foggy, and still pouring rain. I could not see anything and just kept my wheel straight. It was an absolutely dreadful drive, but survived it too.
Since my parents have been gone, I've been hanging around a lot and many people have been inviting me over for food. Makes me think my parents should leave more often:)
Some fellow randomly posted on one of my old posts about a poncho I'd really want to find similar to it or perhaps make one for myself. Apparantly he's made some stuff himself and wanted to make a similar poncho as well, so we threw some ideas on what kind of material might have been used and what not. He's a fellow from England which I have met many but he sounded really cool, let alone handsome! We decided to Skype to make it easier to share ideas to use on making the poncho instead of having to type it all out. We ended up talking for hours on the most randomest stuff, it was so awesome! Of course American girls are head over heels over guys with English accents so I can listen to him talk for days if I could. We gave each other a tour of our house and outside, though I couldn't see much of his so well since it was dark out there considering our different time zones. It was so cool, we decided to be real penpals too which I have wanted one for so long. I remember blogging bout having one but it was only an e-mail penpal who didn't last 2 days. I'm so excited to send him candy and just random stuff! And to get little nibs and nobs from England too, so excited. He might be reading this and laughing and/or is slightly embarrassed at the fact there's someone writing about him but I can't help but share how excited I am to have an awesome penpal such as himself.

8 years

So, I was laying in bed & Tweeting my Twitter friends and felt this little moment of pure joy. It almost made me tear up cause I havn't felt like that in so long. Some of my Twitter friends can really make my day. I was waiting to take my parents to the airport. They are the most stressful and worst travelers ever. They always yell during their last minute packing and freaking out, making sure they got everything. Than if like the smallest accident happens like the knob of a sweater zipper breaks off, they flip tabels. When my parents are stressed, I get stressed as well because they are on full annoyance mode. That's why I was resting in bed as I waited for them to get done having their yelling session and finally head to the airport. I loveeee the airport!! Love watching those beautiful man made machines called airplanes flying in and out of the sky. I helped them get checked in and off they went. They went on another cruise to the Carribean for a week. Why didn't they take me, well they really don't anymore. It really sucks yea but that's why I get to go on vacations alone. Plus a week without my parents is really nice. I walked around the airport a bit, it was about 21:30 and it was empty! A lot of the shops were closed too as well, but I did get Jamba Juice though it was too cold for that. I sat at the tables next to large windows facing the airplanes. Walked a bit more and into a shop where I found an awesome Flight Attendant (immitation) Barbie that I just had to get! I saw a few pilots that I wish I spoked to but they rush out of the airport like there is no tomorrow. I'd feel the same way too if I flew as much as they did, you just want to go sleep at the end of the night.
Drove home, was kind of scared to be home alone all of a sudden but got passed it quick.
The next morning I had to go to Lamb Elementary for their multicultural fair, to represent Ukraine. I made a board with Uki facts, wore my Uki outfit, & passed out Шипучки. Some of the kids came across as annoying to me but some were splendid. The councelor of the school is my aunts neighbour, is how I was asked to be part of their event. My aunts other neighbours were there too (Japanese, English, & Indian). My favourite were the English couple, the grandpa could not stop talking to me! I was told he loves company though, & has invited me for tea sometime. Love their accents of course. Went home, than began to stress out. Me & my crush had reschedualed our coffee date to Saturday morning, since he didn't think I was serious the first time I asked him out for coffee so he didn't show up. He wasn't replying to my text to make sure we were still on for Saturday morning. I began to stress out because I am putting so much effort into him, and I'm not getting anything in return. It upsets me.
I went to my Portland church to which I havn't been to in so long and miss so dearly. I went to their Light Cafe which they have every last Friday of the month. It wasn't advertised online that there was gonna be one so I was worried I'd show up with no one there, but there was. There were barely any people and there was nothing organized. It was just thrown together at last minute. There was no where to sit either so I stood against the wall near the entrance for the whole time. I got a lil crowd of friends goin around me though so it was great. I have missed seeing them all. The worship team took a break from playing and let some guests sing. The lead gal of the worship team approached me & our friend, she said she saw my electro dance videos. I was so embarrassed and shocked she somehow came across them. She's the singer in the Imprint group too, so I was confused on how these people see my lame videos! She said they were really good, & that they are planning on doing a play that consists of dancing (not electro) & has asked me to be a part of it. Heck yes!! She knows I live rather far, but I am totally down for doing this! We exchanged numbers and are having our first meeting Sunday after church service. I'm excited!
Saturday morning came, with no sign of any date to happen. I honestly knew it wouldn't happen in the 1st place. I wanted to say No when he had asked to go Saturday morning instead but said Yes instead so that when I see him, he can be embarrassed. I went to downtown by myself, enjoyed some Starbucks and shopping at boutiques and the mall. It was pretty chill but made me more stressed from all the shopping.
I've been so not myself lately, & it's not all just about my crush. With my parents gone, some people just won't stop annoying me or leaving me alone. I just want to take a break from everyone. I havn't felt this depressed in 8 years...I know the cure, but havn't had the motivation to take it in a while.
Looking forward to sunday service & play meeting at my Portland church, & just want to ignore everyone who bugs me (if ever so possible).

Denied

So, as stated in my previous post, many of my friends (& lovely Twitter friends) helped me build the courage to ask my crush out to coffee. This took about a week & a half, the day I wanted to ask I got really sick and had to go to the doctor. I patiently waited and waited, for the day and time to finally see him again. I was in the work out room and saw him pass the door. I dropped everything and went after him, well I jogged passed him once than second time around he turned back and smiled cause he knew I was coming. I stopped and joined him and his friend (who I know as well) on their walk as they killed time before class. The friend eventually left so it was just me and him walking, and the only thing that was going through my mind is quickly asking him. But than his other friend joined our little walk and I lost hope in asking, than we got with a group of his friends waiting for class to start. I didn't want to ask in front of his friends, but my mate had told me that asking in front of a group just shows how much confidence you have which is what guys are really attracted to. So, I asked, and he responded with the warmest smile and a "Yes". He said he would text me during or after class. The few hours I had to wait were so gruesome, I was so nervous and excited. I was hanging out with my friends and they were excited for me as well, and than the time finally came though he hadn't text me yet.
His class got out and I was waiting in our school cafe where I told him I'd be, and bought two white mochas all ready on the table. 10 minutes had gone by and there was no sign of him yet, I figured he was catching up with friends or something. 20 minutes went by, still no sign of him, and his coffee was getting cold. I figured they had to stay after class but that never happens really. I got his coffee warmed up again, as 30 minutes had gone by with no sign of him. I texted him asking where he was...he replied with "home".
I felt and heard my heart break.It felt like someone put heavy weights on my shoulders, and I had to drag my body home. I had to break the news to all my friends, and they all wanted to kick his ass. I wrote that if he didn't want coffee, he coulda just said so. He apologized but I was not convinced at all.
It was so hard for me to ask him his name, so hard to talk to him first, so hard to ask him out...and all for nothing in the end. I sure learned my lesson, to never ask a guy out again.

Funniest Convo Ever

Me and two of my mates (one I just met) giving me advice on how to ask my crush out to coffee. Hilarious.

Yeay Constipation

So, this is a rather embarrassing subject but what else is there to talk about really. Last week I had the worst sickness in the world! First time being constipated and boy did it suck. I bought and took medicine that kicked in in the middle of the night. I felt like I was getting stabbed. I crawled to the bathroom and sat on the toilet but there was nothing. I felt myself getting a really high fever and almost fainted in the bathroom. I wanted to throw up so bad as well. I went back to bed, grasping on my bed in pain. I couldn't even cry it hurt that much. I went to the bathroom one more time, & finally felt relieved.
I felt much better, and for some odd reason I was eating a lot. I mean a lot of nasty processed food like pizza and chicken bake. But it was all so yummy and scrumptious. After a week had gone by, I realized I havn't done #2 in the bathroom the whole week either. I felt fine though, I didn't have horrific pain like I did when I was truely constipated. Though the cramps were kicking in and it slowly started to get worse. I told my mum and of course, she flipped! She made me go to the doctor which I hate going with her cause she can just be such a bigger pain. She always does the talking for me which is stupid cause I'm the one who really knows whats going down. Anywho, this really tall cute male nurse comes out and calls my name. Grr why do I have to get the cute guy when I have an embarrassing situation. He was in fact Russian, he figured we spoke Russian by our last name. I stood on the scale and said "how embarrassing". He said my weight is perfect for my height & age but that's not what I meant, I clarified that the fact that hes a young Russian nurse, is what sucks. Cause I can already see in my mums eyes that she just wants to flirt with him and try hooking us up which was not gonna happen. I do regret not slipping my number to him though, he was a real gent. They prescribed me some strong medicine to make me go to the bathroom. I had to drink 3/4 of this medium sized bottle which tasted kinda nasty, but I chugged it down to get it over with. Like a boss. Two minutes passed and I was running to the bathroom! It kicked in almost automatically. Another moment of relief.
I went to Outward Church which I miss and havn't been to in a while. They were streaming an event from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. The topic was about porn and they were gonna interview an ex porn star. I really needed to go to this. When the streaming started, it was lagging so bad. It kept skipping and pausing. I texted my friends in Washington who said they were getting the same lag too. It was because there were too many people streaming it and that it was backing up the Mars Hills streaming service. We unfortunately had to end that fast and hopefully come back when it's recorded and available to show another time. I went to Gov Cup and saw my mate and so we caught up on life. His mate joined us who is an oober funny guy. They gave me really good advice on how to ask my crush out to coffee. I'm still really nervous about it. Apparantly guys really dig confident girls so I'll just have to do my best. We talked and laughed for a few hours until the shop closed. It was a really good way to end my night. It just makes me more happy to be hanging out with real friends in person than on that stupid Facebook.
Time to pig out.

Can't stop dazing at this photo

Crappy Ski Trip

So, rarely do we ever drive to Mt.Hood to go skiing for just the day. We always stay at cabins, but this time we decided just to do a day trip there. It may seem long to go skiing for hours but it goes by really fast because of how slow the lift takes to go up. It's like Baseball, the ball is only in the field %5 of the game when the game can take hours. It was snowing bad and the only spare goggles we had were really big on me. I decided to go down without them and it felt like the snow was trying to poke my eyes out, it hurt so bad!! So I waited in the warming hut on top of the mountain to have my dad bring those big goggles over. They didn't help either, they fogged up so bad and kept slipping. I felt like I was skiing blind either way. It wasn't like powdery sticky snow fall either, it was like little ice flakes that hurt so bad when they hit you on the face if you weren't wearing a ski mask. I wasn't wearing one because my breath would go up the mask and fog up my goggles even more. Later that day soft snow began to fall, which made the slopes so thick of powder that you rode 2mph down the hill. Not to mention the super strong wind that kept pushing you back. It was one ski trip I won't forget. I definitely need to buy good headphones for skiing, goggles, and a warm helmet.
My friend was driving with us back home and oh man, the conversations we had!! Boys Boys Boys Boyssss! We were talkin bout the guys we like, our past relationship, and how crazy guys can make girls just by their little or big actions. We get so excited when we hang out with them, but so so upset when they don't reply to a small text. We were laughing at how true everything was about how we really are bipolar and emotional over guys we like. One thing that we brought up and kind of made me sad is how random guys (or even girls) randomly leave a friendship. I've had two really really close buddies, who at of no where would sweep me off their life just like that. Either by randomly avoiding me or simply saying they didn't want to talk anymore. It's sad because now I've kind of grew in that habbit of getting so close to someone, to simply sweeping them off my life because they start annoying me or who knows for what reason. They always write me how they hate when they loose a friend especially me and how much they miss me, when all I'm thinking is 'We were never real friends...leave me alone now'. But some just won't let me go. It sounds really cruel but if people do that to me, why is it wrong to do it to others? That's unfair, just because I'm not a guy doesn't mean I have to keep 'friendships' I don't want.
When I went to sleep, all I could see is snow splashing at my face. I woke up, looked out my bedroom window, and saw snow falling. I swear it likes to haunt me sometimes. I'm glad I don't have my Facebook cause I can already imagine all the annoying kids freaking out about a few snow flakes falling from the sky. It never snows in our city, but if you want to see snow that bad, go to the mountains -_-*