Names Alesa.21.I speak my mind,therefore there are no boundaries.I am a distraught child,so I might offend you unknowingly.At the same time,I am very caring when I should not be.Cheers.


Valentines 2015

So, that holiday finally arrived where all the single people weep about being alone and married to Netflix or something retarded. I for one had booked two tickets for a super romantic Valentines dinner on the Portland Spirit for me and my date because I was not gonna be lame like everyone else not making the most of this day where you recognize and show the love you have for others. Sure it's something we ought to do everyday, but the busy lives many people live, you sometimes forget to do that so this holiday is a good reminder for everyone to do just that. I originally planned to just go up for the dinner cruise and that's it, but my buddy wanted to spend the night there and really wanted to spend every minute he could with me and so that's just what we did. I first arrived to his place so that we would carpool and as I opened the passenger door to his car, I saw a red card with my name on it, chocolate, candy, rose pedals all over the seat, and a bouquet of roses. I was at the urge of tears, I absolutely loved it! We got to our hotel and had roughly 3 hours to kill so we were trying to figure out what to do and so we ended up playing Clue which I never have before. I've never really been a fan of board games but I know a lot of couples who are hardcore board game fanatics. We had a blast, I love how we're so competitive at games it's hilarious! It was almost time to go so we quickly got ready and I finally got to wear my beautiful gown for the first time. The only downside was, was that I had no choice but to wear heels with it which makes me taller than him but that's something we'll just have to get used to ha! We got to the boat just in time for boarding and it wasn't exactly what I had expected, I guess I didn't really realize how many people they cram in there and I was kind of bummed we didn't get a window seat but we were still close enough. The food was really good, that was one of the things I was nervous about because a lot of the reviews say their food was just bland but I thought it was delicious. After we had an appetizer, an entree, and dessert with champagne we went and stood outside to look at all the pretty mansions while we were riding through Lake Oswego and just checking everything out (though it was dark). It was so relaxing and romantic, I hadn't been on a boat in forever. I think the best part of that whole experience was the fact that my buddy loved it, and that I simply got to spend it with him. 
I'd say it was by far my favourite Valentines date ever (even though I've only ever spent it with someone once before). It was just like I had envisioned it and the fact that I got to live it without any problems made it all the more amazing. 

3rd Drill

So, 3rd drill finally came and apparently it's pretty ridiculous to my supervisor that I nor he has gotten any dates in regards to when I'll be going to basic training. It surprises me that he thinks being in student flight for 3 months is a long time when really most of the student flights kids have been students for 7 months already and are just getting their dates for basic training. I don't mind having it delayed because I'd very much prefer to go to San Antonio in the Winter anyways and my first year out of six years of my contract will pretty much have consisted nothing else but eating JalapeƱo popcorn. Besides that, it was a big weekend full of retirement and promotion ceremonies. Our wing commander (the boss of our whole base) retired after 27 years of being there. I'd say the biggest person that was there was the general (the boss of all the national guards in Oregon). I think the worst part was we had to stand for an hour but fortunately for us student flight kids, we didn't have to stand at attention like all the military people were in a perfectly formed formation. There were a lot of people at this thing but I was glad it was finally over with and I got to my hotel and met with my buddy for a fun filled evening! We went to this Russian restaurant in Portland which I had no idea about but stepping inside, it brought me way back to when I visited Ukraine as a kid. The wood seating and walls, the decor, the music, everything was just spot on (cept all the Portland hipsters there made it clear you weren't really thousands of miles away). We had some really good Russian food and one of my favourite things they had was dried fish. When I took a bite of it though, I teared up. I just had this odd flashback of when I was in Ukraine visiting my grandma, but it breaks my heart when people ask me if I've ever gone back since and the only response I can give is "There's nothing to go back to anymore." My mothers old neighbourhood and city has been demolished and abandoned, my fathers city is still under war and being torn apart. It all of a sudden became really hard for me to be at that restaurant anymore, but I pulled through it and we headed to another restaurant his friend worked at and then called it a night.
The next day at drill we had another ceremony but it was a lot smaller because it was just with the people within our unit because one of the guys had been promoted as the unit boss pretty much. Best part was we actually got to sit at this one! To my surprise the general was there too, I feel kind of bad because he probably has to go to all these retirement and promotion ceremonies throughout Oregon which probably gets boring. Afterwards though, I decided to introduce myself to the general. I waited quite some time for him to finally be done talking to quite a bit of people, including one of my squadron guys whom I've mentioned before that thinks he's a know it all. He was talking to him for so long and I knew the general probably hated every minute of it cause he's annoying, but once they were done I made my way through the crowd and simply said who I was, that I was brand spankin new, and that I was honoured to work for him and be in the air guard. The general was really nice and kept a conversation with me but I started to run out of things to say so I quickly thanked him again and left. The annoying squadron mate asked if that was coincidentally bumped into each other or something, I said no, I went and introduced myself. He was a bit surprised but didn't say anything after (that's what I thought bro, take a seat!) It took me a little while to realize how big the general really was though, I mean, he is 1/50 generals in the U.S. who over sees all of the national guards (army, coast, and air) of Oregon that consists of thousands of people. I am literally a booger in the far corner compared to him, but it was still cool that I had that opportunity to say Hi.
Until next drill, blehhhhhh


Side Swapped

So, one fun fact about me is that I always have nightmares. No matter how wonderful the dream starts, it always ends in horror. When I hear the quote "Dreams do come true" it makes me horrified because it's something I pray to the Lord that it never happens. This is normal to a lot of people though, it's not because of stress or anything, it's just a way of a few of our lives. One frequent occurrence that happens in my nightmares are car crashes. I have always woundered how being in a real crash would be like but from the looks of it, it's something no one wants to go through especially if that's how it ends your life. About a week ago I was casually driving home from work during the dark clear evening on the same road I always go down on. It's a two lane road and I was driving along side a large pick up truck which I didn't think much of. As I was passing him a bit, I noticed his blinker went off in my rear view mirror and I quickly thought to myself "Don't.Do.It." Next thing you know he side swaps me. I squealed like a little girl! I veered to the right which caused me to hit the curb, and we eventually pulled into a driveway. I thought for sure this guy was just going to book it and I was going to be screwed figuring out what to do on my own but thank God he was so helpful and was so honest about the fact that it was his fault (which he also confessed to the insurance companies). I've heard way too many stories about people lying about who hit who and what a pain it is, but I got it real easy. I won't be getting my ugly dent fixed though because my car will be gone by the end of this year for sure so it'd be pointless. I have yet to get estimates and do the whole cashing in the money part though.
When people get in a car accident/crash, they always become more thankful to be alive and appreciate the people in their lives more especially if they have a family. To be honest, I wish the guy would have just killed me so I don't have to worry about the ugly dent, don't have to go to work anymore, don't have to have family issues, don't have to worry about the future, just don't have to live my life anymore. At the same time I don't feel confident that I'd be going to heaven right now though so perhaps that's why my life was spared, but it hasn't changed me one bit (not yet at least).
All of that aside, life has actually been quite alright. Still upset I can't seem to be having any luck getting a permanent state job considering my temporary one is almost over but I just have to be patient and expect the worse to happen (like working as a waitress again or something). I've been going out almost every night these past few weeks and though it's fun, most of the time I really just want to relax at home for once. It's hard not to go out though because I have a bunch of friends who keep hitting me up and people whom I've promised to hang out with but never get around to it because well...I've been enjoying most of my time with the one whom I truly like. Of course I don't want to be like those girls who ditches All their friends over one guy, but I am trying to make the most of spending time with him because I fought so hard to get to where we are. It's been very hard for me in the beginning, who knew that having to prove my worth and loyalty to someone would be so difficult! But it opened my eyes to the fact that most girls (just as guys) are very sketch and untrustworthy. It makes me sad there's people like that, but I don't give up on the things I want most such as my position at the Portland Air Base and the relationship I have with the sweetest guy I know. I guess I could admit that I'm glad that car accident didn't kill me because I'm excited to grow in this relationship with my buddy and see how far it could take us.
And yea, drill this weekend. Just hoping it goes by quick and smoothly cause I do not like em anymore.



So, I honestly have no idea what to write about. I feel like my life is slowly going downhill and there's not much I can do. It's hard being in a position where you don't know what will happen when your temporary job is over in a few weeks, and not being able to move out because of that uncertainty of possibly being financially unstable to comfortably pay the bills. It's really a risk I don't want to take right now, but living with my mother is far worse than all those uncertainties combined. If I knew I'd be so mistreated at 22 for not getting married and having a career by 18, I would have just ran away to Ukraine honestly. Not only that but not knowing when I'll be going to boot camp is also a pain because that's the one thing that's holding me back from deciding some serious decisions. 
As for relationships well, some are dying and others are growing which is sort of the nature of it. I do but don't want a serious relationship right now because I'll be gone for months and don't want that person waiting for me cause I'm not worth that much right now, hopefully I will be when I get back and have a proper life. I hung out with this really cool South African guy I met at the mall I used to work at. To hang out with a guy who isn't pressuring you to do something you don't want is such a relief! I'm really looking forward for our friendship to grow. The only thing is he's a lot like the current guy I really like, a very determined workaholic whos athletic, comes from a wealthy home and loving family. It's hard for me to get at that level because I didn't grow up having that, but just by being myself is enough for anyone it seems.
Perhaps my problem is I'm always in such a hurry to move on with my life and the things I do. I never take the time to appreciate my surroundings and what I currently have as if it's not enough. Deep down I'm a very calm, quiet, and humble person but it hurts when my heart is stabbed by my mother and people who only act like they want to be my friend. That's what makes me be in such a hurry to get away, so that I could go back to being that calm quiet humble girl. 

I know that we ought to live in the moment and enjoy our lives as much as possible, but it truly is hard when you don't know what's going to happen especially in a few weeks when you know there will be some major changes. Humans always want answers to things.
Life is just a mess right now but I'm holding on to what I can before I give up.

You go for the wrong guys

So, too many times have I been told that I'm going for the wrong guy(s) and it's honestly one of the things I hate being told the most. It literally makes me cringe. Every guy has told me this at least once whom I've spoken to about my past relationships, but then they become a past relationship so it's a repetitive thing. I think the rather unfortunate part is that it's quite true. Growing up I always thought that my Ukrainian Prince Charming was going to sweep me out of my feet when I turned 18 but here I am, almost 22, being hit on by random American guys I know I'll never have a future with unless I lower all my standards and morals. The only thing that's nice about them is how much they appreciate Eastern European girls and compliment everything about them, but there's not much else to em besides that. I feel like I have lowered my standards by a significant amount because I felt like the reason I was having no luck with relationships was because my standards were too high and honestly they still are (like all Slavics). So why do I still end up going for the wrong guys? Perhaps I get too attached from being too caring once I get to really know the guy and their problems. Or perhaps I get too attached at how deceiving they are with their charm. I know you can't change a person but if you know that your habits hurt them and yourself, why continue doing it? I will never truly understand who would be classified as the 'wrong type,' in the end everyone has issues. It just all depends if you're willing to overcome your dirty vise together or alone for the sake of the person you want to be with. If you're not willing to do that though, then leave the person alone and move on...easier said than done.


2nd Drill

So, long time no post right? Lets talk about my second drill cause who doesn't want to hear about that. I was super excited to see my squadron mate whom I'd also call my best friend, along with my other hot squadron mate and all the student flight kids I quickly became close with. I wasn't sure what to expect at this drill but I knew on the first day we were going to have to sit through boring presentations and have a physical fitness test. Fortunately for me, I got to sit out of the physical fitness test because I recently had bronchitis and it was still lingering in my system so yea! I also finally got my military ID card which I'm super stoked about because discounts for days (technically years). The first day was a drag and I couldn't wait until 3p to go to my hotel and head on over to the Blazers game. We got done by 2:30p and I was excited to leave, until we had an excercise that consisted of a fake shooter outside and we all had to hide in corners until they gave us the clear...which wasn't until 4:10p!!! I was so pissed because then that only gave me 40min to check in my hotel, shower, get ready, and walk to the trimet stop. Fortunately I (along with my buddy who came) made it in time and had enough time to eat at the Moda Center and check out where we were sitting. I hadn't been to a Blazers game in 9 years so I was excited to be there, but at the same time I was really nervous because of the embarrassing/frightening situation I had there when I was a kid. I knew I was in good hands though so I had nothing to worry about. The game was epic and we had pretty darn good seats so it was overall a blast. I finally got back to the hotel and wasn't looking forward to the next day of drill. 
The next day it was going pretty chill, drove around the airfield, watched the fighter jets take off, cracked tons of jokes. That was until I found out I had another supervisor whom I never knew about (I thought I only had two). He came off as really friendly and he really enjoyed getting to know my background and what brought me to the guard. When he turned serious though, it really bothered me. He reassurred me that being there was serious business, and that I have to work extremely hard and that he expects me to learn a ton of stuff while I'm there. He also brought up that there should be less fun and more work which is what I was coming across as. This was a huge problem because legally I'm not allowed to be actually working because I haven't gone through tech school yet, & there's only so much I could learn but will never remember until I finish school. He isn't my primary supervisor, my actual supervisor was not harsh like this because he obviously knows better about the situation I'm in. This supervisor is from the Navy and the way they start off is completely different than they do in the guard. The only reason it bothered me was because I felt like I was failing, and that's the last thing I ever want to feel at my job especially since I just started. But I can't prove myself until I go through boot camp and all that crap, so it's just hard.
Overall drill was a bit odd that weekend and I'm honestly not really looking forward to the next one and all the ones after that simply because I'm useless until I get training. These 6 years should go by faster.


New Years 2015

So, my favourite holiday had finally arrived! Every year I spend New Years night either at Government Camp in Mt.Hood or Sunriver near Mt.Bachelor but as I had mentioned before, this holiday season has been a pretty dull one. I had been invited by some co-workers and friends to parties but in the end it didn't seem like any of those were going to work out. I took to Facebook to find something to do and one of my closest buddies invited me to a house party he was invited to in Portland. I decided to go with that and I wasn't sure what to expect but in the end I had a really good time. It was in a cute neighbourhood called St.Johns in Portland which I've surprisingly never been to. Stepping inside this party, I felt like I was in an episode of Portlandia where there's just a bunch of unique individuals dressed as if they jumped out of the 70's. Fortunately there were many of us who didn't know each other but we were all there for the same reasons, to dance, drink, get weird, and count down to the new year. This was my first real house party I've ever been to and I had a blast with it, who knew dancing like no one is watching with random people could be such a joy. One of the highlights was this huge chunk of cured meat on the dining table that you got to just nibble at. I have never had cured meat before but it's so bomb! I didn't really meet anyone (just quick hellos) because there was just way too many people at this party. Me and my buddy didn't stay long after the New Year hit which was fine by me because I could barely keep my eyes open from being so tired. Overall I was happy I got to spend the New Year with at least one person I knew, and getting to dance the night away.
As for New Years resolutions, I don't necessarily have any new ones besides not being such a people pleaser. I feel like that would be a challenge because people know me as being kind and helpful so if I don't do that as much anymore, I'm worried I'll be seen as selfish which is not the case at all. I just still struggle with knowing how to take care of myself and my feelings before others, so I hope I'll get to change that. I know the relationship with my parents is going to continue getting worse, especially now that I've found how fun house parties are! Kidding, but I really need to just not care about what my parents want for me and from me as sad as that is. It's going to be hard and my dreams of moving out are still there but knowing how bad I am with money, it's going to be really tough to get to that point. I also need to really prepare myself for finding another job before my temporary one is over, it's going to really suck if I don't find another job that pays 1800k a month! Just thinking ahead, this year is overall going to be very tough and I'm not looking forward to all the challenges and annoying circumstances I'm going to have to go through, but I am looking forward to it being all over with. Until New Years 2016!


A look back at 2014

So, it's almost 2015 and this is where I take the time to look back at 2014 and some of the highlights and random shinanigans! I've had 3 different jobs this year (4 if you include the military) which is pretty crazy. I left Willamette to work at Crater Lake, then left Crater Lake to work for the State. Throughout this year I had made some new friends and had plenty of heart breaks. It was also my 21st birthday this year which is a big deal in the states! I did not expect this year to go the way it did, my plans were to finally become a flight attendant, move out, and be in a serious relationship...of course none of that happened because New Year resolutions never happen. Leaving Willamette University and all the caterers and cooks I became close with was very hard, but it was time to move on from there since there was no growth opportunity. Technically I did move to Crater Lake, but that was just so chaotic I ended up back in my parents' home. Now I'm trying to apply for a permanent position with the state because my temporary one is almost done with and I can't start the new year being unemployed again! I also finally got my foot in the door with aviation, though it's not the route I ever expected to take, I'm pretty excited to be part of the Oregon Air Guard and feeling like a badass when I'm not. I started 2014 with my first real heartbreak after dating this one guy for 4 months. I was miserable for weeks after, but me and him are still really good friends which I'm very happy with. After him I dated another guy for 3 months but this time I had broken his heart. Who knew I'd ever be the one to call it quits on a relationship!? After that it was just dating around and fooling around which I still regret, but I learned how deceiving guys can be. I didn't get to do much traveling outside of the state besides going to Seattle for a wedding and Redding for 4th of July. I've traveled so much of Oregon though it's almost like a walk in the park to me now! I feel like I will forever have poor money management because I didn't end the year saving up as much as I wanted to (not even a little). I really don't have any 2015 New Years resolutions, all I know I have to prepare for is boot camp and tech school which is going to be utterly brutal. Will I find love in 2015? Doubt it. I'm super excited most of my friends will be turning 21 though so we can finally have a proper night out! 
This holiday season has probably been one of the dullest ones in my life. Having a real job, you don't get an actual holiday break but rather just the holiday off which sucks. No weekends at the cabin and no Christmas lights on the house, it's strange. I also still have no idea what I'll be doing for New Years since I have to work the day after! I also got a pretty bad sickness during these holidays which consisted of swollen glands all over my neck and a tightened air stream to my lungs. Hoping it all goes away by the new year! 2014 overall has been pretty chaotic!!! I'm looking forward to meeting many new people during my boot camp journey, and seeing where I end up with in regards to employement. It's gonna get crazy.



So, some of my co-workers are really into horoscopes and I never really bothered to check mine out and it blows my mind how spot on it is. I even looked at some of my close friends' horoscopes and I agree with just about all the crazy stuff it says about them. I'm not the type to be checking my horoscope everyday though because in reality it's not a real thing, but how could someone come up with something so relatable to the people born within certain times of the year? My horoscope is Pisces and when I read the description, I can relate to almost all of it. I read some other horoscopes to see maybe I could relate to them as well and that perhaps it's all a made up thing (which it really is) but Pisces is really the only thing that fits my personality and the type of person I am in general. 
Here are some key points in regards to my horoscope:
-Imaginative and sensitive
-Compassionate and kind
-Selfless and unworldly
-Intuitive and sympathetic
-Secretive and vague
-Weak-willed and easily led
-Escapist and idealistic
-Popular with all kinds of people because they are easy going, affectionate, and offer no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters
-Commits faith in Christianity, whether it be low key or openly devoted
-They are more readily concerned with the problems of others than with their own (totally!!!)
-They dislike disciple and confinement
-Any rebellion they make against convention is personal, however, as they often times do not have the energy or motivation to battle against the establishment (my parents ugh)
-Extremely gifted artistically
-They admire beauty, both with people and nature
-They are never egotistical in their personal relationships and give more than they ask from their friends. They are sexually delicate, and most Pisceans would want a relationship in which the partner's mind and spirit rather than the body resonated with their own. Unfortunately they can be easily misled by a lover who courts them delicately and in marriage makes them unhappy by a coarser sexuality (that would be my fault if it turns out that way ha!) than they expected. They are nevertheless intensely loyal and home-loving and will remain faithful.
-In employment they are better working either by themselves or in subordinate positions.
-Poor money management (unfortunately very true)
-They would be afraid to manage more than a small department. 
-Their fondness for faraway places with strange sounding names may turn them into travelers.
-The symbol of Pisces is two fish, which has been long related with Christianity. 
-Dislikes: the obvious, being criticized (yess you freakin Russians), feeling all at sea about something, know-it-alls, and pedantry.

I mean, this could literally be my personal bio. Again, I’m not into horoscopes but after reading this it really blew my mind how well it’s put together. 



So, I'm just going to let my mind wander on this one and it may not make any sense to you but that's ok. I had a pretty tough week emotionally wise because of the things I had realized in the weekend before. Just realizing what kind of person I've become and how much I hate it now, because I'm definitely not the person I've been the past 21 years. Of course everyone changes over time with all the things they come across in life, but it's either for better or for worse and I feel like for me it's for the worst. I caught up with a friend of mine a few nights ago whom I've known for quite some time now. We just lounged around in his room and talked about what we had been up to and what not. It's impossible to ever lie or hide anything from him cause he catches it instantly and could easily read how you're actually doing. He said some things that really struck me, in fact sort of broke my heart. As we sat around he said he never felt so alone with one other person in his room before, and that I've become a darker person. It's so strange, but true. I cuddled him and reassured him that he was not alone, and he responded with how he wishes that I was his so that we could always spend such quality time together. My only response was "I'm not yours to have." Never in my entire life would I say such a cruel thing and it honestly didn't feel like I was the one who said it, but rather the darkness inside me that did. As you can imagine, that evening ended on an awkward note. I felt so uncomfortable but at the same time, sometimes you need another person to tell you how you are because you may never fully see it yourself. I had given this friend a chance in the past, I showed him how much I liked him over time and all but he chose to remain friends. Now, the tables are turning and I hate how the person makes me feel when I'm being put under this pressure. This isn't only just him though, this has been literally the past 5 guys I've gone on dates with who don't want anything more than a "friends with benefits" thing which I hate. Then when I slowly forget ever wanting anything with them, they all come at me at once seeking something that I can't provide anymore because of the decision They made. They make me feel guilty and bad for not giving them a chance, they make me feel like I owe them something. I never made them feel that way when I tried pursuing a relationship after a few months of being friends, so why does it always backfire on me like this? I don't mind hanging out again, but they always seem to notice how different I've become since that first time we've met because at first I was trying so hard to impress them and express how much I want to spend more time with them...but now I'm not. Now I just don't care to go to that extent anymore, and apparently that's a problem? It's ok if a guy doesn't want to be anything more than just friends for many months, but they can't expect me to sit around and wait for them to make that realization that they actually do want to be more than friends because during that time of me waiting, they don't ever prove to me that they're worth waiting for. When they do come back around, it's too late. I don't care anymore and I would be moved so far along with someone else already, which then leads to the same thing. It's like a vicious cycle that I've learned to play, but it's made me the dark and bitter person I've become. Who knew this was how things were going to turn out at the end of this 2014 year. Who knew that by the end of this year, all I want is to be alone and to be left alone rather than be in a relationship. It's just so strange.


Disconnect from reality

So, my sister had asked me to come over and I admit I had missed Southern Oregon so I bought a train ticket for the following weekend (she lives in Klamath Falls for you who don't know). The day had finally arrived for my departure and the downside was our train had been delayed for 2hrs because someone in the Portland area was trying to commit suicide on the tracks. As rude as it may sound, we all wished the person would have just died instead of our train being delayed so long over someones selfish action. After a long boring 5hr trip I finally arrived to Klamath Falls. The main reason I went was to visit Crater Lake the next day, and to see my ol' co-workers in whom I greatly missed. I was beyond thrilled to go to Crater Lake in the winter again and it was so much more beautiful than in the summer. When we arrived I quickly booked it to the gift shop before they closed to see my ol' co-worker, and the one whom I traveled so far to see. I bumped into this girl I remembered from the Summer and to my surprise she knew who I was and my name, though I was never really fond of her. She told me where the others were and I booked it upstairs to the office, hoping he'd be there. I knocked on the door a few times. No answer. A few times more, and the door swung open and there he was. I quickly swung my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could. We quickly caught up on each others lives, and he was telling me all about the crazy stuff that happened and is happening at Crater Lake after I had left and it's beyond twisted. I only got to talk to him for about 5min because my sister and her husband were waiting for me to take pictures of them, so I cherished every moment I got to look at him. It felt so unreal to see him, and to be at Crater Lake in general. I felt so at ease though, and was so happy to leave the person I am in Salem behind. Funny I say that because I really needed to leave the person I was in Crater Lake over the summer, but it was more exciting and dramatic than back at home? I was sad to have to say goodbye to him so soon, but I don't feel that this was going to be the last time I'd see him. My sister and her husband took a ton of awesome pictures of the snow covered lake and we explored around a bit while we froze our butts off. I was really happy but really sad to have left so soon because the sun was setting quick. We then went to Medford which I was also excited about because I love the drive and kept having dreams of it so it was nice to go through it again. Chiloquin and Shady Cove are really lame cities but I have a lot of good memories in them that I'll never forget. 
I really needed this getaway and I'm so happy to have gotten to do. To get away from everyone in Salem and not contact anyone from there. To temporarily disconnect from all the close relationships I have there. Sounds sad but I Always need it, Always! It was a short weekend trip, but it helped me contimplate on some things and how distant I need to be from people because many are starting to get too attached to me. 
I just want to start new again...


First Drill

So, my first drill weekend was nothing as I had expected it to be. We start at 7am which is crazy early especially when you have to drive from Salem to Portland! I had to get up at 5am which was brutal, and I almost died along the way by hitting a huge puddle on the interstate and hydroplaning. I kept praying the whole way there and finally made it alive. I was really nervous and very scared of how thing were going to go. I was worried it'd be super awkward and that I wasn't going to make any friends, but fortunately that wasn't the case. I met two new people who started the same day as I did, one was a rich kid from Salem that's gonna be doing office work and the other was an ex-recruiter who was working with me as an airfield operator. The ex-recruiter was the first person I met and is probably by far my favourite. We went to this morning meeting they did which made No sense to me what so ever because they were discussing military stuff I had no idea about. Then me and the other student flight kids (which are all the ones who haven't gotten to boot camp and tech school yet) went to another presentation. The other kids were really cool and we all became friends quick! Little did I know, there was a holiday party happening towards the last half of the day so we only had 15min of gym time (it's normally an hour or longer). It was so laid back! I was extremely scared they were gonna make me do 50 push ups and run for miles but it was nothing like that. We changed and off to the holiday party we went! It's one of those typical work parties where all the guardsmen/women invite their families to come and there's all these activities and food. None of use student flight kids invited our families, but we really just considered our groupie to be a family. We stuck together everywhere. I think the best parts were getting free beer, getting cotton candy made by a Commander, and Santa Clause pulling up in an F-15. Yes, this was my first day!! After all that was over with I went to my hotel and slept until the next drill day.
My squadron mate helped me get the rest of my paperwork done at the different units since he was a recruiter and knows the base and all its people well. Then we got to drive around the airfield and were taught the basics of what we were gonna have to do in the near future, and were shown how to make flight schedules and stuff. Of course we won't actually be able to do any of this until we're done with tech school, and the worst part is I found out that I actually don't know when I'll be going to boot camp. I thought I was going in January but that's just an anticipation date, not when I'm actually going. The other student flight kids I met have been waiting for over 6 months to go and they still don't know when they're going! That just makes me more confused as to whether I should continue applying to other jobs and still move out while I can. We'll see! At the end of the day we had to clean our unit and let me tell you, there's nothing sexier than seeing a guardsman in uniform washing the dishes. 
I had a blast at the base but only because my squadron mate is by far the funniest and funnest guy I've ever met. It definitely wouldn't be the same without him! I'm so looking forward to next months drill and getting closer to the people I work with.