Names Alesa.21.I speak my mind,therefore there are no boundaries.I am a distraught child,so I might offend you unknowingly.At the same time,I am very caring when I should not be.Cheers.

24.1.15

Messy

So, I honestly have no idea what to write about. I feel like my life is slowly going downhill and there's not much I can do. It's hard being in a position where you don't know what will happen when your temporary job is over in a few weeks, and not being able to move out because of that uncertainty of possibly being financially unstable to comfortably pay the bills. It's really a risk I don't want to take right now, but living with my mother is far worse than all those uncertainties combined. If I knew I'd be so mistreated at 22 for not getting married and having a career by 18, I would have just ran away to Ukraine honestly. Not only that but not knowing when I'll be going to boot camp is also a pain because that's the one thing that's holding me back from deciding some serious decisions. 
As for relationships well, some are dying and others are growing which is sort of the nature of it. I do but don't want a serious relationship right now because I'll be gone for months and don't want that person waiting for me, but they wouldn't be worth it anyway if they aren't willing to wait for me so I just don't want to bother. I went on a date with this really cool South African guy and it was by far the most proper date I've been on. To hang out with a guy who isn't pressuring you to do something you don't want is such a relief!! I'm really looking forward for our friendship to grow. The only thing is he's a lot like the current guy I really like, a very determined workaholic whos athletic, comes from a wealthy home and loving family. It's hard for me to get at that level because I didn't grow up having that, but just by being myself is enough for anyone it seems.
Perhaps my problem is I'm always in such a hurry to move on with my life and the things I do. I never take the time to appreciate my surroundings and what I currently have as if it's not enough. Deep down I'm a very calm, quiet, and humble person but it hurts when my heart is stabbed by my mother and people who only act like they want to be my friend. That's what makes me be in such a hurry to get away, so that I could go back to being that calm quiet humble girl. 

I know that we ought to live in the moment and enjoy our lives as much as possible, but it truly is hard when you don't know what's going to happen especially in a few weeks when you know there will be some major changes. Humans always want answers to things.
Life is just a mess right now but I'm holding on to what I can before I give up.

You go for the wrong guys

So, too many times have I been told that I'm going for the wrong guy(s) and it's honestly one of the things I hate being told the most. It literally makes me cringe. Every guy has told me this at least once whom I've spoken to about my past relationships, but then they become a past relationship so it's a repetitive thing. I think the rather unfortunate part is that it's quite true. Growing up I always thought that my Ukrainian Prince Charming was going to sweep me out of my feet when I turned 18 but here I am, almost 22, being hit on by random American guys I know I'll never have a future with unless I lower all my standards and morals. The only thing that's nice about them is how much they appreciate Eastern European girls and compliment everything about them, but there's not much else to em besides that. I feel like I have lowered my standards by a significant amount because I felt like the reason I was having no luck with relationships was because my standards were too high and honestly they still are (like all Slavics). So why do I still end up going for the wrong guys? Perhaps I get too attached from being too caring once I get to really know the guy and their problems. Or perhaps I get too attached at how deceiving they are with their charm. I know you can't change a person but if you know that your habits hurt them and yourself, why continue doing it? I will never truly understand who would be classified as the 'wrong type,' in the end everyone has issues. It just all depends if you're willing to overcome your dirty vise together or alone for the sake of the person you want to be with. If you're not willing to do that though, then leave the person alone and move on...easier said than done.

16.1.15

2nd Drill

So, long time no post right? Lets talk about my second drill cause who doesn't want to hear about that. I was super excited to see my squadron mate whom I'd also call my best friend, along with my other hot squadron mate and all the student flight kids I quickly became close with. I wasn't sure what to expect at this drill but I knew on the first day we were going to have to sit through boring presentations and have a physical fitness test. Fortunately for me, I got to sit out of the physical fitness test because I recently had bronchitis and it was still lingering in my system so yea! I also finally got my military ID card which I'm super stoked about because discounts for days (technically years). The first day was a drag and I couldn't wait until 3p to go to my hotel and head on over to the Blazers game. We got done by 2:30p and I was excited to leave, until we had an excercise that consisted of a fake shooter outside and we all had to hide in corners until they gave us the clear...which wasn't until 4:10p!!! I was so pissed because then that only gave me 40min to check in my hotel, shower, get ready, and walk to the trimet stop. Fortunately I (along with my buddy who came) made it in time and had enough time to eat at the Moda Center and check out where we were sitting. I hadn't been to a Blazers game in 9 years so I was excited to be there, but at the same time I was really nervous because of the embarrassing/frightening situation I had there when I was a kid. I knew I was in good hands though so I had nothing to worry about. The game was epic and we had pretty darn good seats so it was overall a blast. I finally got back to the hotel and wasn't looking forward to the next day of drill. 
The next day it was going pretty chill, drove around the airfield, watched the fighter jets take off, cracked tons of jokes. That was until I found out I had another supervisor whom I never knew about (I thought I only had two). He came off as really friendly and he really enjoyed getting to know my background and what brought me to the guard. When he turned serious though, it really bothered me. He reassurred me that being there was serious business, and that I have to work extremely hard and that he expects me to learn a ton of stuff while I'm there. He also brought up that there should be less fun and more work which is what I was coming across as. This was a huge problem because legally I'm not allowed to be actually working because I haven't gone through tech school yet, & there's only so much I could learn but will never remember until I finish school. He isn't my primary supervisor, my actual supervisor was not harsh like this because he obviously knows better about the situation I'm in. This supervisor is from the Navy and the way they start off is completely different than they do in the guard. The only reason it bothered me was because I felt like I was failing, and that's the last thing I ever want to feel at my job especially since I just started. But I can't prove myself until I go through boot camp and all that crap, so it's just hard.
Overall drill was a bit odd that weekend and I'm honestly not really looking forward to the next one and all the ones after that simply because I'm useless until I get training. These 6 years should go by faster.

1.1.15

New Years 2015

So, my favourite holiday had finally arrived! Every year I spend New Years night either at Government Camp in Mt.Hood or Sunriver near Mt.Bachelor but as I had mentioned before, this holiday season has been a pretty dull one. I had been invited by some co-workers and friends to parties but in the end it didn't seem like any of those were going to work out. I took to Facebook to find something to do and one of my closest buddies invited me to a house party he was invited to in Portland. I decided to go with that and I wasn't sure what to expect but in the end I had a really good time. It was in a cute neighbourhood called St.Johns in Portland which I've surprisingly never been to. Stepping inside this party, I felt like I was in an episode of Portlandia where there's just a bunch of unique individuals dressed as if they jumped out of the 70's. Fortunately there were many of us who didn't know each other but we were all there for the same reasons, to dance, drink, get weird, and count down to the new year. This was my first real house party I've ever been to and I had a blast with it, who knew dancing like no one is watching with random people could be such a joy. One of the highlights was this huge chunk of cured meat on the dining table that you got to just nibble at. I have never had cured meat before but it's so bomb! I didn't really meet anyone (just quick hellos) because there was just way too many people at this party. Me and my buddy didn't stay long after the New Year hit which was fine by me because I could barely keep my eyes open from being so tired. Overall I was happy I got to spend the New Year with at least one person I knew, and getting to dance the night away.
As for New Years resolutions, I don't necessarily have any new ones besides not being such a people pleaser. I feel like that would be a challenge because people know me as being kind and helpful so if I don't do that as much anymore, I'm worried I'll be seen as selfish which is not the case at all. I just still struggle with knowing how to take care of myself and my feelings before others, so I hope I'll get to change that. I know the relationship with my parents is going to continue getting worse, especially now that I've found how fun house parties are! Kidding, but I really need to just not care about what my parents want for me and from me as sad as that is. It's going to be hard and my dreams of moving out are still there but knowing how bad I am with money, it's going to be really tough to get to that point. I also need to really prepare myself for finding another job before my temporary one is over, it's going to really suck if I don't find another job that pays 1800k a month! Just thinking ahead, this year is overall going to be very tough and I'm not looking forward to all the challenges and annoying circumstances I'm going to have to go through, but I am looking forward to it being all over with. Until New Years 2016!

27.12.14

A look back at 2014

So, it's almost 2015 and this is where I take the time to look back at 2014 and some of the highlights and random shinanigans! I've had 3 different jobs this year (4 if you include the military) which is pretty crazy. I left Willamette to work at Crater Lake, then left Crater Lake to work for the State. Throughout this year I had made some new friends and had plenty of heart breaks. It was also my 21st birthday this year which is a big deal in the states! I did not expect this year to go the way it did, my plans were to finally become a flight attendant, move out, and be in a serious relationship...of course none of that happened because New Year resolutions never happen. Leaving Willamette University and all the caterers and cooks I became close with was very hard, but it was time to move on from there since there was no growth opportunity. Technically I did move to Crater Lake, but that was just so chaotic I ended up back in my parents' home. Now I'm trying to apply for a permanent position with the state because my temporary one is almost done with and I can't start the new year being unemployed again! I also finally got my foot in the door with aviation, though it's not the route I ever expected to take, I'm pretty excited to be part of the Oregon Air Guard and feeling like a badass when I'm not. I started 2014 with my first real heartbreak after dating this one guy for 4 months. I was miserable for weeks after, but me and him are still really good friends which I'm very happy with. After him I dated another guy for 3 months but this time I had broken his heart. Who knew I'd ever be the one to call it quits on a relationship!? After that it was just dating around and fooling around which I still regret, but I learned how deceiving guys can be. I didn't get to do much traveling outside of the state besides going to Seattle for a wedding and Redding for 4th of July. I've traveled so much of Oregon though it's almost like a walk in the park to me now! I feel like I will forever have poor money management because I didn't end the year saving up as much as I wanted to (not even a little). I really don't have any 2015 New Years resolutions, all I know I have to prepare for is boot camp and tech school which is going to be utterly brutal. Will I find love in 2015? Doubt it. I'm super excited most of my friends will be turning 21 though so we can finally have a proper night out! 
This holiday season has probably been one of the dullest ones in my life. Having a real job, you don't get an actual holiday break but rather just the holiday off which sucks. No weekends at the cabin and no Christmas lights on the house, it's strange. I also still have no idea what I'll be doing for New Years since I have to work the day after! I also got a pretty bad sickness during these holidays which consisted of swollen glands all over my neck and a tightened air stream to my lungs. Hoping it all goes away by the new year! 2014 overall has been pretty chaotic!!! I'm looking forward to meeting many new people during my boot camp journey, and seeing where I end up with in regards to employement. It's gonna get crazy.

22.12.14

Pisces

So, some of my co-workers are really into horoscopes and I never really bothered to check mine out and it blows my mind how spot on it is. I even looked at some of my close friends' horoscopes and I agree with just about all the crazy stuff it says about them. I'm not the type to be checking my horoscope everyday though because in reality it's not a real thing, but how could someone come up with something so relatable to the people born within certain times of the year? My horoscope is Pisces and when I read the description, I can relate to almost all of it. I read some other horoscopes to see maybe I could relate to them as well and that perhaps it's all a made up thing (which it really is) but Pisces is really the only thing that fits my personality and the type of person I am in general. 
Here are some key points in regards to my horoscope:
-Imaginative and sensitive
-Compassionate and kind
-Selfless and unworldly
-Intuitive and sympathetic
-Secretive and vague
-Weak-willed and easily led
-Escapist and idealistic
-Popular with all kinds of people because they are easy going, affectionate, and offer no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters
-Commits faith in Christianity, whether it be low key or openly devoted
-They are more readily concerned with the problems of others than with their own (totally!!!)
-They dislike disciple and confinement
-Any rebellion they make against convention is personal, however, as they often times do not have the energy or motivation to battle against the establishment (my parents ugh)
-Extremely gifted artistically
-They admire beauty, both with people and nature
-They are never egotistical in their personal relationships and give more than they ask from their friends. They are sexually delicate, and most Pisceans would want a relationship in which the partner's mind and spirit rather than the body resonated with their own. Unfortunately they can be easily misled by a lover who courts them delicately and in marriage makes them unhappy by a coarser sexuality (that would be my fault if it turns out that way ha!) than they expected. They are nevertheless intensely loyal and home-loving and will remain faithful.
-In employment they are better working either by themselves or in subordinate positions.
-Poor money management (unfortunately very true)
-They would be afraid to manage more than a small department. 
-Their fondness for faraway places with strange sounding names may turn them into travelers.
-The symbol of Pisces is two fish, which has been long related with Christianity. 
-Dislikes: the obvious, being criticized (yess you freakin Russians), feeling all at sea about something, know-it-alls, and pedantry.

I mean, this could literally be my personal bio. Again, I’m not into horoscopes but after reading this it really blew my mind how well it’s put together. 

20.12.14

Darker

So, I'm just going to let my mind wander on this one and it may not make any sense to you but that's ok. I had a pretty tough week emotionally wise because of the things I had realized in the weekend before. Just realizing what kind of person I've become and how much I hate it now, because I'm definitely not the person I've been the past 21 years. Of course everyone changes over time with all the things they come across in life, but it's either for better or for worse and I feel like for me it's for the worst. I caught up with a friend of mine a few nights ago whom I've known for quite some time now. We just lounged around in his room and talked about what we had been up to and what not. It's impossible to ever lie or hide anything from him cause he catches it instantly and could easily read how you're actually doing. He said some things that really struck me, in fact sort of broke my heart. As we sat around he said he never felt so alone with one other person in his room before, and that I've become a darker person. It's so strange, but true. I cuddled him and reassured him that he was not alone, and he responded with how he wishes that I was his so that we could always spend such quality time together. My only response was "I'm not yours to have." Never in my entire life would I say such a cruel thing and it honestly didn't feel like I was the one who said it, but rather the darkness inside me that did. As you can imagine, that evening ended on an awkward note. I felt so uncomfortable but at the same time, sometimes you need another person to tell you how you are because you may never fully see it yourself. I had given this friend a chance in the past, I showed him how much I liked him over time and all but he chose to remain friends. Now, the tables are turning and I hate how the person makes me feel when I'm being put under this pressure. This isn't only just him though, this has been literally the past 5 guys I've gone on dates with who don't want anything more than a "friends with benefits" thing which I hate. Then when I slowly forget ever wanting anything with them, they all come at me at once seeking something that I can't provide anymore because of the decision They made. They make me feel guilty and bad for not giving them a chance, they make me feel like I owe them something. I never made them feel that way when I tried pursuing a relationship after a few months of being friends, so why does it always backfire on me like this? I don't mind hanging out again, but they always seem to notice how different I've become since that first time we've met because at first I was trying so hard to impress them and express how much I want to spend more time with them...but now I'm not. Now I just don't care to go to that extent anymore, and apparently that's a problem? It's ok if a guy doesn't want to be anything more than just friends for many months, but they can't expect me to sit around and wait for them to make that realization that they actually do want to be more than friends because during that time of me waiting, they don't ever prove to me that they're worth waiting for. When they do come back around, it's too late. I don't care anymore and I would be moved so far along with someone else already, which then leads to the same thing. It's like a vicious cycle that I've learned to play, but it's made me the dark and bitter person I've become. Who knew this was how things were going to turn out at the end of this 2014 year. Who knew that by the end of this year, all I want is to be alone and to be left alone rather than be in a relationship. It's just so strange.

13.12.14

Disconnect from reality

So, my sister had asked me to come over and I admit I had missed Southern Oregon so I bought a train ticket for the following weekend (she lives in Klamath Falls for you who don't know). The day had finally arrived for my departure and the downside was our train had been delayed for 2hrs because someone in the Portland area was trying to commit suicide on the tracks. As rude as it may sound, we all wished the person would have just died instead of our train being delayed so long over someones selfish action. After a long boring 5hr trip I finally arrived to Klamath Falls. The main reason I went was to visit Crater Lake the next day, and to see my ol' co-workers in whom I greatly missed. I was beyond thrilled to go to Crater Lake in the winter again and it was so much more beautiful than in the summer. When we arrived I quickly booked it to the gift shop before they closed to see my ol' co-worker, and the one whom I traveled so far to see. I bumped into this girl I remembered from the Summer and to my surprise she knew who I was and my name, though I was never really fond of her. She told me where the others were and I booked it upstairs to the office, hoping he'd be there. I knocked on the door a few times. No answer. A few times more, and the door swung open and there he was. I quickly swung my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could. We quickly caught up on each others lives, and he was telling me all about the crazy stuff that happened and is happening at Crater Lake after I had left and it's beyond twisted. I only got to talk to him for about 5min because my sister and her husband were waiting for me to take pictures of them, so I cherished every moment I got to look at him. It felt so unreal to see him, and to be at Crater Lake in general. I felt so at ease though, and was so happy to leave the person I am in Salem behind. Funny I say that because I really needed to leave the person I was in Crater Lake over the summer, but it was more exciting and dramatic than back at home? I was sad to have to say goodbye to him so soon, but I don't feel that this was going to be the last time I'd see him. My sister and her husband took a ton of awesome pictures of the snow covered lake and we explored around a bit while we froze our butts off. I was really happy but really sad to have left so soon because the sun was setting quick. We then went to Medford which I was also excited about because I love the drive and kept having dreams of it so it was nice to go through it again. Chiloquin and Shady Cove are really lame cities but I have a lot of good memories in them that I'll never forget. 
I really needed this getaway and I'm so happy to have gotten to do. To get away from everyone in Salem and not contact anyone from there. To temporarily disconnect from all the close relationships I have there. Sounds sad but I Always need it, Always! It was a short weekend trip, but it helped me contimplate on some things and how distant I need to be from people because many are starting to get too attached to me. 
I just want to start new again...




10.12.14

First Drill

So, my first drill weekend was nothing as I had expected it to be. We start at 7am which is crazy early especially when you have to drive from Salem to Portland! I had to get up at 5am which was brutal, and I almost died along the way by hitting a huge puddle on the interstate and hydroplaning. I kept praying the whole way there and finally made it alive. I was really nervous and very scared of how thing were going to go. I was worried it'd be super awkward and that I wasn't going to make any friends, but fortunately that wasn't the case. I met two new people who started the same day as I did, one was a rich kid from Salem that's gonna be doing office work and the other was an ex-recruiter who was working with me as an airfield operator. The ex-recruiter was the first person I met and is probably by far my favourite. We went to this morning meeting they did which made No sense to me what so ever because they were discussing military stuff I had no idea about. Then me and the other student flight kids (which are all the ones who haven't gotten to boot camp and tech school yet) went to another presentation. The other kids were really cool and we all became friends quick! Little did I know, there was a holiday party happening towards the last half of the day so we only had 15min of gym time (it's normally an hour or longer). It was so laid back! I was extremely scared they were gonna make me do 50 push ups and run for miles but it was nothing like that. We changed and off to the holiday party we went! It's one of those typical work parties where all the guardsmen/women invite their families to come and there's all these activities and food. None of use student flight kids invited our families, but we really just considered our groupie to be a family. We stuck together everywhere. I think the best parts were getting free beer, getting cotton candy made by a Commander, and Santa Clause pulling up in an F-15. Yes, this was my first day!! After all that was over with I went to my hotel and slept until the next drill day.
My squadron mate helped me get the rest of my paperwork done at the different units since he was a recruiter and knows the base and all its people well. Then we got to drive around the airfield and were taught the basics of what we were gonna have to do in the near future, and were shown how to make flight schedules and stuff. Of course we won't actually be able to do any of this until we're done with tech school, and the worst part is I found out that I actually don't know when I'll be going to boot camp. I thought I was going in January but that's just an anticipation date, not when I'm actually going. The other student flight kids I met have been waiting for over 6 months to go and they still don't know when they're going! That just makes me more confused as to whether I should continue applying to other jobs and still move out while I can. We'll see! At the end of the day we had to clean our unit and let me tell you, there's nothing sexier than seeing a guardsman in uniform washing the dishes. 
I had a blast at the base but only because my squadron mate is by far the funniest and funnest guy I've ever met. It definitely wouldn't be the same without him! I'm so looking forward to next months drill and getting closer to the people I work with. 

28.11.14

He may not always be yours

So, there's this boy whom this one girl really liked. He's very handsome and very friendly, she's very cute and outgoing. One day they began to talk on Halloween and after she mentioned not having any plans because she didn't have many friends to spend time with, he invited her to a night with him and his friends. It was her first time going out on Halloween and she was thrilled about it and dishing out her creative side to put together a costume. She soon discovered this boy had a dark side, just like the girl does. Their dark sides differed but this meant nothing to her, for the girl fell in like with everything about him. His smile, his hair, his laughter, his compasion for things, his generosity, his kindness, his eyes...the list could go on. They became very close that night, seeing each other often and writing essay long text messages after. She was over the moon for him because a man never treated her the way he did, with true care. She was thrilled to see him every time, and wished him a goodmorning and goodnight. As the days went by though, she noticed something was off. That there was a distance growing and for no known reason. She kept questioning herself and what might the reason be, but there was no way of finding out the truth unless she asked him herself...She felt as if her question had frightened him away for good. A dark saddness overcome her. How had something so good go to being almost non-existent? In a matter of weeks she went from being so in like with this boy and spending so much time seeing and talking to him, to being all alone again. She didn't feel a bit of anger though as she had in the past, because she realized that the person you like may not be the one you're meant for. She continues to keep her head up. She continues to fight for him, but she knows she will never have him again. Now she continues to wander on her own, until another spots her eye....

27.11.14

My Enlistment

So, the day had finally arrived where there was no turning back. If some of you have kept up with my posts, you know that I've hit many barriers to get to where I wanted to be. I woke up early morning and rode with my recruiter to the Portland Air Base that will be my new home. There was another woman riding with us to look at the different kinds of jobs they had which was good because she talked through the whole ride, while I sat in silence. I dressed up very nice because you want to make a good first impression to your new bosses, I felt a little too overly dressed up though but that was ok.  We did a mini tour of the base and what all the buildings were and it's a lot smaller than the one in Klamath Falls but it's still a decent size. We went inside the office building where they do accounting and such, and I had to sign a bunch more papers. I've probably signed +100 forms throughout this whole process and I hated it. Once that was done, we went into the air crew building where all the pilots were in and where I will be in as well. I had been in it before when my friend gave me a mini tour on my 20th birthday so it wasn't anything new to me. I met quite a few of the staff whom of course were pretty much all older men. The thing I like about the Klamath Falls base is that there are a lot of younger women working there, but not here. The sergeant at Klamath Falls was right though, the people at the Portland base were a bit more serious and don't seem to have much of a fun vibe to them. It was alright by me because it felt a lot more laid back that way.
From watching videos about how enlistment works, the kids enlisting and their families all gather in a room where all the kids would raise their hand and say the oath of promise. I was surprised when they were like "Hell no we're not doing that!" because I was the only one enlisting that day and they never ever get people like me, so I got to do my oath in front of an F-15 inside the hanger (which only one other person did before from what I'm told). It felt really special. If I had known that's where they were going to make me do it at I would have invited everybody to come, but I didn't invite anyone...
I had told my parents the day before about how I was going to enlist 6 years of my life to the Oregon Air Guard as an Airfield Operator. My dad was fairly ok with it because he too once wanted to join the Oregon Army Guard so he had a better understanding of how it worked unlike my mum. To my mum, when she hears anything military related she automatically thinks Iraq, War, Weapons, Murder, Mass Destruction, and Death. Just to clarify to everyone, I am NOT going anywhere. My life will NOT drastically change because of this. It is just like any other job (except the fact that I can't quit). The likely hood of me being deployed is zero to none, really. I've had many people tell me they're going to miss me and such and I just laugh because like I said, I'll still be here! My mum flipped out saying that I was committing a sin by doing this and that this is not the work of a Christian girl. That I ought to work hard in the State or Medical field, get married and have kids just like all Christian Ukrainian girls. I'm not like all Ukrainians girls, I am My Own. I was expecting this response from her and I was more than prepared to not have it effect me at all. I finally found a way to be with airplanes and do what I've always wanted, and I wouldn't let my parents stop me. I understand that according to the Bible you ought to obey your parents, but in this situation I couldn't do that because I wouldn't be happy. I don't live for my parents' happiness and what they want for me, I live for my own happiness and what God wants for me.
I prayed about this decision a lot and for the most part I wasn't getting an answer which is the worst. When I was saying my oath of promise to the job and serving in the Air Guard, I had many mixed feelings. I felt scared and nervous, but I also felt very at ease? I was frightened because there really was no turning back after that, you are a slave to the government and that was it. I felt at ease though because I was promising to be with the one thing I loved...airplanes (now I'm crying haha!) When I was a kid I remember saying "Screw marrying a guy, I could marry an airplane because I love them just as much if not more! I wish that was possible." That became reality, as I stood there next to a jet plane promising to protect it. It gave me a good sense of how marriage actually works now, as all single girls they just want to get married and have an extravagant wedding but they don't realize how much of a commitment that marriage is. It's really scary knowing there is no going back! But if you love the person that much, you feel at ease and are happy to live and love them until death.
I'm still very frightened of going to boot camp, and my first weekend I work is actually this December which I had no idea about! They said I'll have to do gym hour with them too which threw me completely off because I haven't even practiced doing push-ups or anything yet so I don't want to fail them. Overall I'm looking forward to it, and I'm so happy I'll get to continue living a normal life and see where my relationships, friendships, and where I move out to goes.

23.11.14

Too Good for Work

So, there's a discovery I made that after working at every job I had, I always exceeded the managers expectations. From retail, to restaurant, to even my current State job, I'm told I'm way too good to be doing the work that I was/am doing. Of course that's great news to hear, but it honestly makes me think "Well what the heck am I doing here than?" I recently got an e-mail from my managers at this State job that I work at thanking me for my work and how much I've exceeded their needs. It's just an indicator that I can do more than what I already am, but if only I could be given the chance to prove myself. It's hard to get a more professional job because they all require degrees or experience I don't have, but I'm confident I could do it better than anyone who even has that degree or experience. Perhaps that's why I want to go into the military, to actually have a challenge rather than a routine to work with. I'm just waiting for that day where it'll take me a while to be good at something, rather than in a month. I'm one who likes to challenge myself and see what I'm capable and am not capable of. I seem to get bored of a job easily and that's why I usually get up and leave because I want to learn new things rather than being stuck doing the same thing that isn't closely related to what I want to do. Hopefully the time will come where I will face some obstacles and think of different ways to overcome them. All I can do for now is kick everybody's butt at every job I have.