Names Alesa.21.I speak my mind,therefore there are no boundaries.I am a distraught child,so I might offend you unknowingly.At the same time,I am very caring when I should not be.Cheers.

9.4.14

Scrubbing Off the Pain

She stands in the shower scrubbing herself hard.
Hard enough to scrub off all the dirt the boys had left on her.
Scrubbing all the bad memories away of late nights with men she regrets ever meeting.
Scraping her skin where a boy had held and touched her.
Washing her hair five times to rinse off the grease from another boys finger tips.
Scrubbing off the pain and neglect she had gone through.
She weeps under the hot running water,
knowing that there was no way to wash off the dirt she had put herself into.
What she mistook for gold,
had only been revealed as dirt when the boy would leave her to seek pleasure from another girl.
Why did she ignore the Holy Spirit that told her that the gold was fake?
Why is she so committed to proving a higher power wrong?
Why does she act so strong when deep down, she is weak just as everyone else?
The boys would tell her she's perfect,
only when they are drunk.
The boys would tell her they only like her,
when they are flirting and cheating with other girls behind her back.
No anti-bacteria will wash off what boys have done to her.
She is to remain unclean until the end of time.


But...she is Forgiven.
"Kill One, Save a Thousand" is her motto (taken from a movie).
Jesus Died, so that she may be Saved.

Single Sermon

So, on Sunday morning I decided to go to Outward Church which is an American church that I used to always go to. It was nice to see some familiar faces, but knowing those kids, they weren't gonna say Hi to me. The topic of the day was why it's actually good to be single. This was not to make single people feel better, but because it's a biblical fact. Of course many of us have read the passages in the Bible about marriage and to sum it up, you will be blessed if you become married but you well be blessed even more if you remain single until you pass away. Here's the catch, it's best that a single person sought marriage  if they constantly broke the law regarding adultery. Everyone (perhaps only Christians) desire to get married which is great, but if you really think about it, it's only a temporary thing which is why it's put out as just an option. When you and your spouse die, you will be apart again in heaven because there's no such thing as marriage in heaven (that's if you get there, realistically speaking). The pastor brought up Disney Princess movies and pointed something out I never really realized until now. It always starts off with a girl being in a bad situation and/or living poorly until they see the man of their dreams. They sing about how so in love they are and that the good life only begins when you get married to prince charming. Life begins when you are born, not when you get married. I come across a lot of girls with this mindset that they'd be so much happier having a boyfriend and finally getting married when that's not how it's suppose to be at all. They all wounder why they're 23 and still single as if God is punishing them when once again, that's not the case at all. God doesn't cease to be Good if things go bad. Whether you're Single, Married, Divorced, have Cancer, got in a car wreck, had your house stolen by the bank...God is always Good.
This sermon had helped me forget about getting married for a while which may sound utterly sad but it's great. It just made me feel good about being single now and having time to focus on our everlasting relationship instead of some other guy that will only be temporary.

5.4.14

DY

So, I don't normally write blog posts about people I meet but this guy is definitely worth a blog post. After work I met up with one of my best friends in downtown to grab some dinner and simply chit chat. We had some pizza at New York Style Pizza which still makes me uncomfortable considering the situation I had gone through with them, but I admit I can't get enough of their pizza. We sat at the counter and indulged in our pizzas when we noticed two guys walk in. We didn't think anything of it as they had bought some pizza and ate outside. One came back in to use the restroom, then approached us with a request. He asked for our phone numbers so that he could show it off to his mate, he didn't even care if we wrote fake numbers. We both wrote down our phone numbers which were in fact our real numbers, left a lipstick mark on the napkin and off he went. I watched as he smacked the napkin in front of his friend outside and did a little boogie dance. His mate came in and asked if they were real numbers and we said they were. Me and my friend then went to the mall just to shop around when I get a phone call from a random number and I knew it was him. I picked up and he was surprised that we had given him our real numbers. We got together again and chatted for hours and during that time I had formed a six pack from laughing so much. He is seriously one of the funniest guys I've met. I think the craziest part is he would have been my supervisor if I were to go through with getting that job at the Warming Hut in Skibowl because he had worked there at the same time as a bar manager. What surprised me the most is that he knows everyone in town, every 10 minutes there would be someone walking by that he'd know. He definitely made my day ever since I saw his boogie dance.

30.3.14

Spring Break 2014

So, spring break had finally arrived and the benefit of working at a University is that you get the same breaks as the students do. I came to realize that working at the deli line really does make you go crazy after a few weeks, so I needed this break more than anything. The first weekend was a hectic one because of some conflicts, but during that time I met someone. I had met him a very few times before, years ago, but it wasn't until that night that I really got to know him. My mind hasn't stopped thinking about him ever since but I must learn to control myself now because I'll be gone for 6 months. Something about him though, I've never really felt with anyone else. Moving on, the first Monday we went to KahNeeTa with a group of people and it was quite fun. It's a 3 hour drive to this one outdoor swimming pool which sounds silly, but it's really like a piece of Hawaii in Oregon because it's always sunny there. I hadn't gone to KahNeeTa in a long time and you're not a true Oregonian if you've never been there. We did a pit stop at Government Camp in Mt.Hood and I was surprised by how clear the roads were but how much snow there still was on the slopes. It sort of made me sad because our family doesn't go skiing as much as we used to and I don't know why. The weather wasn't the best at KahNeeTa but I still got a small tan which was good enough for me. Afterwards we decided to explore the outskirts of KahNeeTa which I've actually never done before. Every time we'd go there, it's just there and back. The scenery was different and beautiful everywhere we drove. We drove than walked up one of the random hills to watch the sunset, and I think the most beautiful thing I saw was that you were able to see Mt.Hood, Mt.Bachelor, and the 3 Sisters all at once. If you really think about it, Oregon doesn't have that many mountains unlike Washington or whichever other state. The nice thing about having a few mountains though is that you know each of them very well and perhaps have been to all of them. I spent most of my New Years in Mt.Hood and a few in Mt.Bachelor, and to see both of them at once when they are 3.5hrs away from each other was amazing. It was an extremely long day but it was a joy every minute.
The rest of the week I had just gone out and about as I normally do, hanging out with friends and what not.
About a month ago I found a flier for an event being held at Skibowl called Shlittentag. Many of you may know that one red bull event where people build their own airplane cart and ride it off a cliff. This is sort of like it, but people build their own sled and see who rides down the fastest. I simply had to go to this event, the downside was I couldn't find anyone to go with me. I was expecting to end up going by myself which was fine by me. Shlittentag is definitely one of the funnest and funniest things I've seen! Afterwards I went skiing and it was definitely one of the best days of skiing I've ever experienced. There was a ton of fresh powder which I'm not entirely a fan of because it slows me down a lot, but it was still alright. Surprisingly there weren't a lot of people either! There was never a line to get on the lift or too many people on the slopes. It was perfect.
Also, my mum has been reading my blog for quite some time so I'd like to say Hi Mum!

26.3.14

First Kiss

I don't know why I love this so much.

21.3.14

Minto Brown Park & Other Thoughts

So, I finally got to take my bike to a park because my sisters SUV is at our house while they're in Cancun. I wish I had a big car so I could easily fit my bike in the trunk and go. I took this opportunity to go to Minto Brown Park which is where I used to go as a toddler but not so much anymore. They also have a massive dog park there and I just love watching the dogs be playful with each other. I got to try out my new water backpack I got too which is a lot bigger and comfier than the one I had before. I had no idea how big this park was until I rode through a good portion of it! I randomly remembered that there had to be geocaches hidden around and I ended up finding four. I had taught quite a few of my friends how to geocache and have been finding a lot of neighbourhood ones of my own, but I miss the geocaching I used to do with a few other friends. We'd go out in the forests and through some real terrain, rather than finding one on the edge of a sidewalk. I had fun geocaching at this park because I had to bike through dirt trails and go through trees and bushes to get to it. It brings out the 11 year old girl in me who once deeply loved the outdoors and getting muddy. As I rode through the empty big park with sun rays beaming on my face, I had a lot of thoughts going through my head and came to some conclusions.
The night before I went out with a buddy of mine. We had some deep conversations that got me thinking about what I want and what I'm doing with myself (once again). Growing up, all I ever wanted to do was become a flight attendant, travel the world and stay at hotels. As I first started dating though, my Slavic instincts kicked in which made me think I want to settle and get married now. Of course that would get in the way of me ever getting to relocate and travel, but I had convinced myself that whoever I may really like would be worth staying for. My buddy told me otherwise, he highly suggested I saw the world before committing to anything. I think about how I'm going to miss everyone when I move to Crater Lake, and whether it's a bad idea to go but what if I end up loving it? After all, traveling and living in random hot spots brings joy to my soul. Having a lot of friends within a 50 mile radius is nice, but how much nicer would it be if I were to have friends within a 24,000 mile radius! I may continue going on fun dates, but I don't think no man should hold me back from doing what I really want to do which is to travel for a living. It's very difficult wanting to be in a serious relationship but also wanting to travel, especially knowing that all Ukrainian guys get married at 21 so I'll have no one by the time I'm 25! Kidding of course. People always remind me to just focus on what I want to do now while I'm young and single rather than trying to seek a serious relationship and settle in my home state. I love Oregon but hate America, funny how that is.
I'm truly excited to see cool things and meet new people from everywhere in the near future.

8.3.14

To the little teenage girl,How Dare You.

How dare you question my lifestyle. A young girl like you should never be butting in and judging a young woman like myself. Drugs, Sex, and Alcohol are all seen as 'huge' sins to you because you can physically see it, but have you ever thought of Hate, Pride, and Lustful thoughts as a 'huge' sin too? No, because you don't physically see it. No sin is big or small, they are all equal. To worry about every sin you or I have commited and how it may effect our chances of going to heaven is selfish and wrong. We aren't even deserving of every breath we take. We all deserve to die but we are given a chance and the fact that your making my life seem less worthy than yours makes me sick. You have broken good friendships I had because of my lifestyle and I will never forgive you for that. Now you'd tell me that not forgiving others is a sin, because all you do is find and point out all the wrongs in every individual to make yourself feel better. You try to come up with any hateful label for individuals by wasting your time finding evidence that will go against them in your church. I despise your church and what they teach. I despise that they highly believe they are the one and only true church. My life had been ruined by people from your denomination. I've seen what you did to my friends and I give you props for having guts to pull off such crimes and blaming us instead of accepting the fact that it's your fault. Sex and Alcohol had been introduced to me by your people, and for you to make you and your people seem the holiest makes me laugh. You have a smart mouth but not a smart mind. Preach to those who don't know Jesus, but never to the ones who do. I wanted to give you a chance because you were a friend of a friend, but now you took my friend away from me and judged me. Now all I see is a stupid selfish girl like you, your friends, and all the people from your church are. 
Давай до свидания.

5.3.14

97604

So, you might be woundering where that zip code is. I'll give you a hint, only employees of that area have that zip code. Give up? Crater Lake. 
A couple months ago I randomly looked into jobs at Crater Lake and always pondered on how it would be like to live there. No one can beat having the deepest bluest lake in America as their backyard. Last year when I was going to apply, the government had shut it down for 2 weeks and I ended up forgetting about it until a few weeks ago. I decided to apply again and this time they had a ton of Summer positions opened. I applied to a lot that I would enjoy doing. I wasn't sure what the odds of me getting any job there was. Out of hundreds of applicants for these 30 different positions though, I was chosen. 
I had a phone interview that went really well and I was surprised at everything the manager had thought about me. He does hundreds of phone interviews so he can easily read a person just by a phone call and I'm the same exact way. When I was dating around, before I met the person I'd call them once and that was enough to let me know if I wanted to continue on with the guy or not (as cheesy as that may sound). 
He said I was over qualified for just about all the positions I applied for which never in my life at 21 years old would I think I'd be over qualified for any job. I was sort of wanting to do something on the tour boat that buzzes around the lake. He said I could try it but it's sort of a heavy duty job that requires you to work +60hrs a week. No thanks. Instead he wants me to be a cocktail server in the great hall which isn't so big as the name makes it sound. I did apply for that as well as a barista or bartender but didn't think I'd get either since I just started learning about drinks and don't even know how to mix them. Though I am technically underqualified to be a cocktail server, he really believes I can pull it off. This guy who lives hundreds of miles away, who doesn't even know how I look like, believes that I can be a cocktail server even if my work experience isn't up to par with the position? It's hard to believe, but I'm convinced that what he said was true and not just some way to lure me in to something I didn't want.
The thought of living in a small dorm with 3 other girls and sharing a bathroom with everyone will be quite unusual. That's how most of the students live at where I work, so if they can survive living like that for 4 years, I'm sure I can survive for 6 months. I never imagined that I'd be working or living in a place like Crater Lake, but I'm excited to get away. I know I will get home sick but definitely not because I'll be missing my family, but because I'll miss my friends and going to Portland to hang out. Overall I'm really looking forward to this experience and hope it'll be something to always remember.

2.3.14

21st Birthday Weekend

So, it was finally that time in my life where I officially became legal to go to bars, clubs, and order drinks at restaurants in the US. I got so lucky to have my actual birthday be on a Friday and have the sunniest and warmest weather we had all season. Mind you, I have been to bars in Canada when I was 19 because that's the legal drinking age there. Unlike many others, I never really drank or got drunk growing up before turning 21 so when I went out to get my first drink, I became dizzy after a few sips of tequila because my body is not used to it at all. I admit I completely dislike how alcohol tastes or the feeling of not being able to fully control yourself after quite a few drinks. When I turned 18 my first purchase was scratch-it tickets and cigars only because I can, not necessarily because I wanted to. Same thing with alcohol, I bought it because I could rather than wanting to and it felt quite nice not having to worry about getting in trouble for it because I'm officially of legal age. Before I get into too many details about my first real drinking experience, my day began by packing and heading to Portland because I did in fact book myself a hotel room. No way was I going to drive home from my first real night out. My original plan was to go to Vegas but I realized I wasn't prepared for that kind of partying and drinking just yet. I chose Portland instead because it was close and I was able to have someone come along. Many of my friends are under 21 which in my case was a problem. I wanted to spend it with someone I knew pretty close and would know for a long time but I didn't have many of those who were +21 and weren't a family member. I eventually decided I'd spend it with one of my mates (who I am in fact dating). Before he came I decided to go to my first official bar in the states which was The Departure Lounge+Bar. To my surprise they didn't give free shots on peoples 21st birthday which was a huge disappointment because I was told that every bar did that, which is the point of bar hopping on your birthday. I had no idea what to get and was just overall clueless at what my drink options were so the bartender made me a blueberry tequila which sounded good...until I saw that I was charged $10 for it! Ten dollars for a small glass of tequila, that I couldn't even finish drinking, was crazy to me. Bars are indeed expensive. The tequila became too bitter for me to taste and I was getting really dizzy drinking it so I gave it up quick. Not only that but I got hit on by a grandpa which I was told I'd be getting a lot of hot young guys hitting on me but nope! The grandpa was actually kind of cool so it was alright, I ended up only being there for 7 minutes or so and left back to my hotel. I took a bath, drank some random beer I bought and danced in my undies around my hotel room. I had a great view of the city because the front desk guy saw it was my birthday on my license and gave me the best he could. My mate finally came and we went to this restaurant a block away from my hotel and it couldn't have been a better place to go. I was so thrilled to finally get to sit at the bar instead of a dining table. It was pretty packed so we ended up sitting next to this one guy who ended up being the coolest Uki guy we've ever met named Tim. I noticed he was Ukrainian by his accent and attire. He also happened to be a pastors son and knew my pastor from Salem and Portland. He bought us shots that officially became my favourite shot ever. My goal was to find a drink I would really like and this was it, it was a Duck Fart with Russian Standard vodka. Afterwards me and my mate went to take a picture by the flashy Portland sign and I noticed this older African-American guy in a suit was smoking outside. He looked at me and said "Wow you're a fashionable woman!" and I let him know that it was my 21st and he wished me a happy birthday. As me and my mate were walking away, we both thought that the guy looked familiar like an actor of some sort. I was tipsy enough to approach the man and ask him where we may have recognized him from and he said he was the anchorman for Portlands Channel 6 News (Ken Boddie). That's where we knew him from! I felt like I met a celebrity who wished me a happy birthday. Back to the hotel we went and passed out. The only downsides of my birthday was spending almost my whole paycheck in one day and being lectured/judged about drinking by younger Slavic Christians. Say what you want about drinking but I can tell you now, I won't be letting it control my life by any means so leave your judgmental comments to yourself.
The next day we went to a cafe to have breakfast and they convinced me to buy a mimosa. It's like once you turn 21, people will keep making you drink whether you want to or not. Funny but annoying. I went to the airport after to visit my Airport Operator friend. He randomly gave me a tour of their conference rooms and it amazed me how big the airport really was and how many abandoned rooms they have. We went into this one dark abandoned room full of cubicles that used to be the Port of Portland offices but they moved into a new building and left everything behind. There was a call that someone was making a threats and out of no where a police officer pops out of one of the cubicles in the far corner to check out what the call was all about. My friend said that the cops hid in there if there was nothing going on and I thought it was hilarious. For the rest of that day I helped my mate paint his room which was a great success! It made me want to paint my room a dark charcoal colour too.
On Sunday I went to church which is normal and all but it was a special day because my mate wanted to come and I've never brought anyone to church with me before. I was nervous what he was going to think and how he was going to feel considering it's a Slavic church and he's American, but it went better than I thought. Not only that but we're doing the church musical again (that we did 2-3 years ago) soon and they want me in it again. I'm really excited for it and being involved in something at church again.
I will always remember my 21st birthday and though I wasn't capable of bar hopping, chugging down gallons of alcoholic beverages, and not getting any free shots, I had a really good time.

22.2.14

One Day was Enough

So, as many of you may or may not know, I had recently been hired at Straight from NY Pizza which is an awesome pizza parlor that has great pizza! I was sort of excited to fill in my free time but was already getting frustrated that the manager lacked communication with me. He said he was going to call me one day but never did so I had to write him. He then wrote back and apologized for forgetting to call and finally set me up to come in for my first day of training. When I came in and introduced myself, the staff had no idea they were hiring people so it was a bit awkward. It was hard because no one knew all of the cashiers cleaning duties so we were trying to figure out what cleaning supplies I'm suppose to use and stuff. The worst part was was being put in situations I was completely unprepared for like taking delivery orders by phone. One guy became really frustrated with me because I didn't entirely know how to use the computer system and no one was helping me so he hung up. I poured beer in a glass for the first time but didn't know how to get rid of all the bubbles so it took me 5 minutes to finally get most of it out.
The rules they had reminded me of my first job ever which I despised. Little did I know but in my first job I was getting paid minimum wage but worked like a slave. This job was a lot like that too and it made me a little frustrated. I wasn't used to not being allowed to use my cell phone at all or having to clean again non-stop throughout the day. Since the first (and last) day of training, it was enough for me to call it quits.
My rather formal message to the owner:
"Hi *owners name*,
I have some unfortunate news. My first day of training was difficult because no one there knew I had been hired and didn't entirely know the duties of a cashier. But I do thank the staff for trying hard to help me. I wasn't contacted back for a whole week in regards to when my next shift would be, therefore I resign and have been given a full time position at the current company I work for. I apologize for the inconvenience, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for Straight From NY Pizza. 
Sincerely,
Alesa"
I'm sorry but what kind of company doesn't contact their new employee after a whole week of their first day? Imagine if it were your very first job, you'd get the impression you did something utterly wrong even though they complimented the way you worked the whole day you were there. Lack of communication ruins every relationship whether it be personal or professional. 

19.2.14

I Pray for Ukraine

So, my alarm goes off at 05:30 and the only thought running through my head is to call in sick at work just so I can sleep in. All I was thinking about was getting 5 more hours of sleep, but I quickly woke up as I busted out to music in the car on my way to work. The sun still hasn't risen even though it was nearly 07:00, but than again it's still winter. Today was a big day full of events to be catered because the Board of Trustees were our clientel and everything needed to be top notch. The kitchen was busy and everyone was running around gathering things to set up for the events. I grabbed a bag of linens to linen a meeting room in another building. I love how dark and quiet it is early morning, the sun barely rising behind the university clock tower. As I walk in the building, the newspapers were finally stocked and I like to look at the headlines to see what's going on in this world. When I saw it, my heart sunk and my face swoll up. "Death Toll Rises in Ukrainian Protest"-"Ukraines Apocolyptic Protest"-"Fire Grows as Ukrainian Protestors Fight." Large graphic violent pictures on the covers. I don't care for politics and I never get emotional over them, but I felt the stream of uncontrolable tears come down my face. I went upstairs to the meeting room looking across the university campus as I couldn't stop crying. I felt utterly sad for my family there and how, depending on the outcome of this protest, will effect their future. I may have not been born in Ukraine and had only visited twice, I'm always told by family members that I'm a 'true Ukrainian' even though I never really thought so. But I do love the people there, I do love my family there, and to see this happening just made me break down even being hundreds of miles away from it. I tried my hardest to calm myself down and even though my eyes were still slightly swollen, I still had to continue gathering things for the next event. I walk through the kitchen with my face down even as I quietly spoke to people. I told myself that it was all going to be ok and to not make it obvious that I had cried. I kept telling myself that until my assistant manager joyfully kept telling me to Smile because it was going to be a "Happy Day!" and the one thought that ran through my mind after was "How is it a Happy Day if people are dying to get something they want but their President is being a communist about it?" I quickly walked outside and began crying again. My manager followed me and asked if I was ok and all I had the strength to say was "The Newspapers.I feel bad for my family." She didn't entirely understand what I meant at first but later saw what I meant. It took me hours to get over what I had saw, but I eventually got over it. That was until later in the day we had about 7 temp workers come from different cities to help with this large fancy event. They asked about my 'unique' name and I said how my parents didn't translate it from Ukrainian to English. That triggered them to talk about the protest going on and because I was tired, after nearly hitting the 11th hour (16:30) of my work shift, I felt that same saddness I did in the early morning. I walked up to my boss and told him I was going home and I wasn't taking No for an answer. 
I pray that the Ukrainian government will do the right thing, and that the citizens and my family there will get what they want because they deserve the best just like everyone.

16.2.14

Valentines Day 2014

So, this year I had my first real Valentines day and I loved every bit of it. Of course everyone online was complaining about being single and making it a single awareness day. I'm single too, I just happened to get a wonderful date. I drove up to his place in Portland and changed into something more fancy and so did he. I love dressing up and going to fancy places to eat on occasion. He also got me roses which was my first time ever getting roses on Valentines day! We took a taxi from his place to the restaurant and it was so fun!  I've never taken a taxi in Portland and it was so nice being able to go somewhere without worrying about getting lost on the way or trying to find parking. I actually got to enjoy the view of the city instead of keeping my eyes forward and focusing on where I was driving. We got to the restaurant a bit early so we took a short walk around a few blocks. It was nice seeing all these young couples being with someone and knowing that I'm not alone for the night either. We ate at this place called Zeus Cafe that was in a McMinamins hotel which was just as cool as all the McMinamin locations around the state. The food was so good and the truffle fries always hit the spot for me. I'm the type who doesn't like when people pay for me (not sure if there is a name for such a type) but he paid for everything and as much as I don't like that, it was really nice. Afterwards we took a taxi back to his place and watched funny youtube videos and had some tea. I had such a good time, I definitely want to make the most of all my Valentines for the upcoming years. Sure many people are against it or just don't care for Valentines day but honestly it's nice to have a day to remember to love one another because it's an easy thing to forget. Until next year!